


Nothing Held Back

by pantswarrior



Category: Suikoden III
Genre: Bisexuality, Foursome, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Multi, Pre-Canon, Sharing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-20
Updated: 2012-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-29 20:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/323614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantswarrior/pseuds/pantswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Flame Champion's inner circle deals with the issues raised by the True Runes in different ways, but they know each other well enough to trust one another completely, with everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Held Back

**Author's Note:**

> As always, with no canon nickname, I default to "Mars" for the Flame Champion's name.
> 
> Written years ago, but never published properly before.

First of all, we weren't drunk. We'd been drinking, yes, but we weren't really, truly drunk. It's a pity we weren't, because even if it had been a cliche, at least it would have been an excuse.

The wind was quiet over the plains for a change, and although the sun had gone down a few hours before, it was still warm among Fire Bringer's encampment. Even at the fringe, where we'd set up the Flame Champion's tent.

At the edge of the site we'd cleared in the long grass, Sana was draped over him as usual. Her head rested on his right shoulder, and I sat on the other side of her with cup in hand. Wyatt had gotten up and was sitting on his heels as he poked at the other side of the fire. The fire didn't really need poking with Mars around - with his rune, he could have ignited ice water if there was a need for more warmth or light - but Wyatt always liked to have something to do with his hands, and emptying a cup of ale now and then wasn't doing it for him.

I like to keep myself occupied too; that's something he and I had in common. But where he had a need for movement, a physical restlessness, I was content to just sit and think. We were constantly on the move in those days, trying to stay one step ahead of Harmonia, so on the nights off, it suited me just fine to be still and figure things out.

Mars liked people. He couldn't have stood a night filled with Wyatt's "busy work" any more than he could have stood a night of my silent thought, and that says a lot about the kind of person he was. We had things in common, but we were three separate people.

Not that Mars shirked any responsibilities, and not that he didn't think. He obviously thought plenty, because he glanced over Sana's head at me. "Jealous, Geddoe?"

He wasn't taunting me, just observing. He did that a lot, so I'd gotten used to it. "A little," I admitted. It was no secret that I'd found Sana rather attractive, before she had chosen Mars. She was a gentle girl, maybe it was the way she was raised in Chisha. We agreed on certain things. But she was too young, and she had an inner fire that could only be matched by one person, and so Mars had found himself with the True Fire Rune in one hand and Sana in the other.

I still found her attractive, of course - I just didn't say anything about it. Not that I'd ever said much, but Mars was observant, after all.

Sana reached over and touched my hand; she was nearly as observant as he was, and every bit as kind. "I should introduce you and Wyatt to some of my girlfriends - the ones that don't care about the Flame Champion or his inner circle - my real friends." Sana had gotten plenty of flak over being the Flame Champion's lover, of course. Old friends were jealous, new friends were brown-nosers, thinking that the position afforded some kind of special privilege. "I doubt any of them would think more or less of you for what you are or what you hold, if they're still kind to me. And some of them," she added with a smile, "are quite pretty."

Around the other side of the fire, Wyatt laughed and dropped the stick he'd been using as a poker, and brushed his hands on the legs of his pants as he stood. "Thanks, Sana, but I'm not interested in being hooked up, especially not now. We might not have anything to do at the moment, but you never know when duty will strike again."

I nodded. "Harmonia's forces are still near the border, even if they did draw back yesterday."

"It would be a real shame to meet a nice girl tomorrow, then head off to the front lines," Wyatt agreed, taking up the jug to pour himself another cup of ale. "Especially when all we might get to know is a pretty face. I don't know about you, Geddoe, but I intend to wait until all of this is past, so I can have time to really get to know the right woman."

"What if the war lasts for the rest of our lives?" I pointed out.

Mars shook his head at this, smiling, and held his right hand out so the firelight could dance around it. "No war can last forever, Geddoe." He didn't need to elaborate - we all knew what he meant. And that, more than anything else, was why I wasn't interested in Sana's offer.

"Someday," he added, "when the Grasslands are safe, we can leave this behind us, and live ordinary lives, as ordinary people."

"I doubt it." Sana sighed softly. "The people aren't going to just forget about the Flame Champion."

"If he disappears, they may," Mars said with a shrug. "Even now there must be lands that know little about the Flame Champion other than the stories told by travelling merchants. No doubt there are people who imagine him to be tall, with broad shoulders. And probably blond."

Wyatt chuckled as he sat down next to Mars. "Great - then they wouldn't leave me alone." Mars laughed, and I couldn't help but chuckle myself.

He gazed over Sana's head at me again, and sobered. "...We've talked about it, Geddoe. It's not an easy life, but it's possible for two people to come to terms with it, and so I can only believe that it's possible for you or Wyatt also."

I nodded. Mars could always read me, somehow. Wyatt too - maybe it had something to do with the runes we held. Then again, maybe we'd just worked too closely for too long to be able to hide anything from each other.

"Just as he loves me enough to go through with this," Sana affirmed softly, "I love him enough to go through what I will - and the spirits' blessings to any other man or woman he may meet when I'm gone, or even beforehand, should it happen in such a way."

One more thing that had never been hidden between us was that Mars loved men as well as women. That was simply how he was - he liked people. The three of us had never made it an issue, even Sana.

"In a way, I'll live forever in his memories and both of yours, long after my body has gone," Sana said, serious as she turned to me. "I won't be the Flame Champion's lover, but only Sana, and you will have made me immortal." She turned back to him on her last words, and he bent his head to press a lingering kiss against her lips.

I lowered my head, though I'd accepted this relationship long ago. This was their time, not mine, and I had no right to witness it.

"Your time may come, Geddoe, but only if you allow it."

I looked up again, not entirely surprised at the way he seemed to read my mind. He did so often. "Perhaps you're right, and someday I may see it differently, but not yet. There are too many people depending on us as Fire Bringer for me to think too much about devotion to any one person."

Mars shook his head. "Your reasons are different than mine, my friend. I'd have been soured on this Flame Champion business long ago if it wasn't for you, Sana, and Wyatt - less than a handful of people out of all the thousands in the Grasslands and Zexen. Who are you fighting for?"

It was something I couldn't answer in an affirmative way. "No one. I fight because someone must, and this rune in my hand obligates me."

Mars smiled faintly. "I thought the same once. Now I sound old, and you sound like the young idealist."

I frowned at his words; he looked like barely more than a boy, just as he had in the years since we'd stolen the True Runes. As for me, I'd been almost twice his age already. Thinking about it from a logical standpoint, however, none of us could be called young men anymore, no matter how he looked.

I turned to Wyatt, but he was no help. "Don't look at me," he said, shaking his head and laughing a little. "My reasons are the same as yours at the moment, but who can say I'd still say the same if I was to meet a girl as sweet and lovely as Sana tomorrow? I don't care why any of us fight, or who we're fighting for, as long as the result of that fighting is freedom to live the future in our own way."

Mars nodded, then laughed softly himself, setting aside his cup of ale. "Indeed, Wyatt - Geddoe and I are beginning to sound more like philosophers than warriors. Although I suppose the motivation behind his actions is a good thing for a warrior to know, and his friends as well."

I set my ale aside as well; I'd had enough to calm my thoughts, and in fact was getting to the point where it was making me dwell on things. It was an unpleasant sensation, and clashed with my rune; it had a tendancy to make my thoughts flash and branch like the lightning it summoned.

Wyatt just shrugged, draining his own cup. "It's all right... I know you and Ged. Even if I was to never know your precise motivations, I'd trust that they were good."

"Likewise..." Mars stretched out his hand again, regarding it with a faint smile in the firelight. "You two... maybe it's the runes in our hands, and their similarities, but somehow I just... know. Different though we might be, the three of us have the same soul."

Wyatt and I nodded in acknowledgement, though neither of us probably would have been so sentimental as to say it ourselves. For my part, I'd never been quite sure whether the runes were so willing to accept us because they knew we would be compatible with each other, or if we were so compatible because the runes made it so. All I knew was that even when we disagreed, we understood each other well enough to make it a non-issue.

"In that light..." I looked up, slightly surprised, as the hand he'd extended encircled Sana's waist again, but came to rest upon my hand on the ground beside her. She was smiling at me, which was a little confusing - not that she never smiled at me, but why that look, why now?

Mars was giving me the same sort of look, with a hint of amusement. "You know you're one of the very few people I trust, right, Geddoe?"

I nodded, and he continued. "I'd trust you with everything. Even with Sana."

This only puzzled me further. Of course Mars would trust me with Sana - I was his friend, and wouldn't do anything to betray his trust over a woman. Especially when I knew that the woman felt the same for him as he did for her...

My surprise when I realized what he was getting at must have been apparent, because Sana's smile grew wider. "We both want you to be happy," she told me. "And it's not as if I dislike you..."

My gaze went to Mars again, and he looked more amused. "You know I'm not the sort to hoard happiness to myself, Geddoe. It's not our way here in the Grasslands. Even when it comes to our loved ones."

"That's... interesting." Wasn't exactly what I was used to, but I'd already seen a lot of things in my life, and gotten used to plenty of the ones that seemed strange at first.

"So if you want to kiss her, or more... even just once... it's all right." Sana had scooted closer in the grass, turning to sit before me as Mars moved closer as well, to sit beside me. His right hand was still in mine, and he squeezed it as he took Sana's in his left. "It's more pleasant for all of us if you don't feel uncomfortable. And if you'd feel as if you're possessing something that isn't yours... well, I wouldn't mind staying right here to prove that I don't mind."

Even after a few drinks, this was kind of embarrassing, and I looked over to Wyatt, who looked every bit as amused by my confusion as Mars. "Hey, I'm not getting involved," he muttered, looking away casually. "What you do is your business."

I looked back at Mars, whose expression was open and earnest, and asked a question I already knew the answer to. "...You're really serious, aren't you?"

He nodded. "We're not so insecure with each other that I'd feel less important to her."

"And honestly, I don't mind a bit," Sana put in, putting a hand on my knee. "You're a friend, and a friend of Mars - it would please me to do what I can for both of you."

Mars had slid closer, putting his arm around my waist; he wasn't usually so touchy-feely, but the ale seemed to have loosened him up a little. His other arm pulled Sana closer to us both, and he smiled at me. "Really, it's all right."

Well, if they were both going to be so generous - not to mention insistent - who was I to argue? I was honored, really, that he'd think so highly of me, and that she was so willing to do what she could for both our sakes. She wasn't easy, I knew that much, but she'd do anything for those she really cared about. As his hand on my back was urging me, I leaned forward, and she did as well.

Even though I knew I wasn't the one she really wanted, there was no lack of warmth in her kiss, and for a moment I let go of my worries to let myself drift in it. It was something I'd dreamed of before, after all, and like a dream, I didn't squander it by trying to justify it.

Though it was Sana's lips I was kissing, the hand that held mine was his, and when she moved her head, it took a moment for me to realize that the lips I was now kissing were his instead. Part of me wanted to pull away, but not only would it have been insulting to such a close friend as Mars, I had to admit that it wasn't exactly repulsive. His arm tightened around my back, and I let him and Sana both lean against me, gathering them both into my lap. It was an odd situation to be in, but at the moment I only felt blessed to have friends who were so close, and so trusting of me.

Mars turned his head away, glancing over my shoulder and beckoning to Wyatt with a smile. "Would you care to join us too, friend?"

Wyatt shook his head, chuckling. He was watching us with neither interest or disgust, but simply amusement. "Don't get me wrong, you're my closest friends too, but I don't think I've had enough drinks for something like that - and I don't think I will tonight. I'm going to go check on the horses." He shook his head again in bewilderment as he stood to go. "You guys have fun, though."

Mars sighed softly as Wyatt left, but smiled as he turned back to myself and Sana, one arm around each of us. "A pity... I'd have liked to have all three of you right here, so close to me..."

Sana nodded, but I wasn't sure I could agree, although part of me seemed to have been aching for this closeness for years, since I'd first realized I could never settle down to simply live a life with someone. Not that I'd had anyone in mind, but when something you'd not decided an opinion about becomes forbidden, you start to wonder what you might be missing. And Sana - dear Sana, whose head rested against my chest, who sat curled almost into my lap - I might have had Sana, if I could have accepted the inevitable as Mars did, and chosen to face it rather than turn away.

But I couldn't forget. She might be warm and soft and inviting now, but someday she would be cold and stiff instead - and on that day... the spirits help Mars. I didn't think I could be as brave as he must be.

Perhaps it was our runes that allowed us to sense each other so easily, and I looked up as I felt something strangely desperate from him. His eyes were burning into me, dark and serious, and he whispered. "It will be you and Wyatt who will see me through the darkest days, Geddoe. With the two of you at my side, I'll live."

"And I won't be able to thank you when that day comes," said Sana, and she tilted her head up towards mine again. "So perhaps I can show my appreciation for your kindness to my love now..."

"Sana..." I murmured against her lips, but she hushed me, and continued to show her gratitude with the softness of kisses and caresses. This wasn't going to come again, I thought to myself, not ever, and decided that I might as well accept.

Having let myself be swept away in the moment, it wasn't until I was lowering her gently to the ground that I realized we'd gone beyond simple gestures of gratitude, and I burned for her. Her fingers were laced through my left hand, while my right supported her, and yet there were two hands still touching me, one stealing under my shirt and the other at my hip. Sana lay beneath me and Mars lay beside us both, lending us both assurance with the touch of his hands and a soft voice. "We've talked of this also, friend - I would hold nothing back from you, or Wyatt if he should ask it. The tribes of the Grasslands are a bit more... open... when it comes to relationships, than the villages you grew up in, and such a thing as sharing a lover or even a spouse is not considered betrayal, but an expression of kinship."

"Hmm..." I'd have liked to think it over, since that's how I would usually have handled a proposal, but between the ale, and what Mars was doing with his hand in the small of my back, and the feel of Sana beneath me, thinking wasn't going too well. At that point, it was already an offer I couldn't refuse, even if I was trying to hold out a little longer.

Seeing as I wasn't able to think it over properly, I had little choice but to give in and let Sana loosen my belt. I was still reluctant to act on it myself, and it was Mars who gathered her skirts up between us, freeing firm legs that rested against my sides. It wasn't unusual to see a girl's legs in the Grasslands, between the Karayan women who not only followed but sometimes led their men to war, and our time fighting alongside the archers of Alma Kinan. But the fact that these legs belonged to Sana, who dressed in the more modest Chisha fashion, made an otherwise ordinary sight fascinatingly erotic.

Another sideways glance at Mars, just to make sure, and he smiled up from where he lay beside us, and touched my cheek. "It's all right, truly all right," he assured me again.

"We're your friends," Sana put in, her voice breathier than usual. "To share our pleasure with you, and to have yours added to it, would make us as happy as it would you. Trust us."

Their eyes were filled with nothing but desire and trust; it was the trust that made me wonder why I had even tried to talk myself out of it. They were my friends, and they offered me everything they had, everything they were, for my comfort. Who could I ever have made love to who felt more safe, more right?

Sana and I weren't entirely undressed, but we were undressed enough for it to work. I slid a hand up the inside of her thigh, and she gave a quiet moan as she spread her legs further, inviting me in. The sound was charging me, but I chose to draw it out further, stroking between her legs with a finger and becoming more and more aroused each time she gasped, each time she writhed under my hands.

Mars was involved as well, stroking her breasts through the fine linen of her robe, and one of her hands caressed his thigh. His involvement didn't feel like an intrusion, though, even when he leaned over to kiss her, and her touching him didn't feel like a distraction. If anything, it felt as though he should have been taking part more fully, as Sana and I were. Without thinking, I reached out to put an arm around him also, to draw my friend closer, and found him touching himself. It seemed unfair, and I took hold of Sana's hand, placing it in his lap. His sigh was like a soft laugh, and after a moment, I found the hand that he had been using to touch himself was instead touching me.

I mumbled his name, more out of surprise than lust, but he just smiled and turned to kiss me again. With the lines between Mars and Sana already blurred, and furthermore the lines between the two of them and myself, I was only mildly perturbed a little later, when I found that I was lying atop him instead of Sana, with his legs wrapped around my waist. Honestly, even if I had taken a liking to Sana as a woman, it was Mars that I was closer to - it was just that he was a man, and so it had never really occurred to me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was a very small voice nagging at me that we should probably have gone somewhere else; Wyatt could come back at any time. Not that he'd have made it an issue, being a friend - and in fact, the thought crossed my mind, just for a moment, that it would be perfect if he would also join us.

Perhaps it was my rune, or Mars', calling to his, but I'd no sooner thought it than I heard the sound of a boot nearby, grinding into the ground as the wearer came to a too-abrupt halt. As nearly painful as it was, I backed off a bit, though Mars still had an arm around me and a leg thrown over my hip as he looked up, without a hint of shame. "Did you change your mind?"

His voice was huskier than usual, colored with a tone that was unmistakable, and even though Wyatt had half-turned already to leave us to our personal business, he could hear it as well. He chuckled uneasily. "Uh, no... just making the rounds before bed, you know how it is. I'll leave you guys alone now."

"You don't have to." Mars gave him a vaguely inviting gesture, over my back and Sana's. "In fact, it would be nice if you didn't."

I could see in Wyatt's eyes and in his suddenly stiff posture that half of him wanted to avert his gaze, while the other half found the sight of the three of us, piled shamelessly together, half-undressed in the long grass, to be rather compelling. Particularly for Wyatt, who was not at all like the Grasslanders when it came to sensuality. This was not the sort of thing one did in Zexen, especially not under the open sky, and logically I could understand how he shied away from such a different sort of intimacy than he'd ever have sought on his own. I think it was that same instinctive aversion, though, that didn't quite allow him to turn away entirely - the forbidden usually holds some sort of fascination for a man, especially when it has something to do with sex.

It was Sana who broke through that barrier, when she tossed her head, throwing her long hair back, and turned away from Mars and myself to face him, her skirts still drawn up past her knees. "Wyatt... just because you have forever to find your true happiness doesn't mean you must deny yourself what pleasure you can find today. No one here could think of you as a degenerate..."

I couldn't help chuckling, lying there with Mars wrapped around me and my hand up Sana's skirt. "That would be a little hypocritical."

Mars' smile softened. "I could understand if you'd rather not join us. But the look on your face... well, with your rune, I suppose maybe it's a little easier to cool off than it is for the rest of us?"

Wyatt's eyes narrowed in bewilderment, but a moment later he found himself laughing. "Yeah, well..."

Sana reached up to take his hand as he took a few hesitant steps towards us, and tugged him down to the ground. Mars was atop me now, reaching out to touch Wyatt's shoulder in welcome as one of Sana's legs, barefoot and slender, hooked over his back beside us.

It was strange, but even though it may have been my jealousy of Mars over Sana that incited what had begun, there was no jealousy to see Wyatt on top of her, or Mars leaning over from where he straddled my hips to kiss her. My left arm was nestled at her side, and when she raised her leg I followed the lines of her thigh up to the knee, stroking with my fingers. Wyatt's hand brushed mine, and gripped my wrist in affirmation rather than denial; we were not three men with one woman, nor were we two pairs. For the moment, the four of us were one.

After that, it didn't seem to matter who was touching who. There were moments, when a squeeze was rougher than usual, when a caress was gentler, when the body pressed against mine was harder; in those moments, I could have told the difference between those of us who lay tangled together, but I didn't care to. Mars' passion was like a fire that roared through us, my electricity energized, and Wyatt's steadiness was like the cool water that kept us grounded, able to remain with the frailer mortality of Sana. We were all a part of everything - Mars' sighs that sounded like laughter, Sana's quiet exclamations, the harshness of Wyatt's breathing. It didn't matter who had caused which, because all of us were there, and all of us gained enjoyment from each sound and touch. One by one, the sounds and sensations worked us to the point of ecstacy, and in that dream, it didn't matter who was first or who was last, because we were together.

I couldn't help smiling at the wide grin I saw on Wyatt's face and the way his arms were slung around Sana and myself once it had faded enough for me to see us as individuals again. It had been awhile for him, longer than it had for me, and it looked like he'd really needed it.

Mars was resting rather peacefully on my chest, his fire having burned out in a sense, and he smiled up at me drowsily as I rested a hand on his back, stroking absently as I considered. I'd have expected him to say something, but the truth of the matter was that none of us needed or wanted to say anything. Better to remain silent, I thought, to remain in that state where none of us had an individual voice, but shared what we were without words. Though no one else had said anything at all, I believed they felt the same.

The night couldn't last forever, though. We lay there in a heap, dozing now and then, until the eastern sky began to grow light. We had to get ready to move - Harmonia wasn't going to wait for us - and we all knew it. It was still a disappointment when Mars pushed himself up from where he lay across me. A disappointment, and strangely cold.

Wyatt too, following his lead, removed his arms from beneath my head and Sana's to stretch and yawn. "...Guess we'd better get ready, huh?"

Sana had grass in her hair when I leaned over to hand her the garments that Wyatt had been using for a pillow. She smiled as I brushed it away, and gave me a quick kiss before she turned away and disappeared into the tent to dress. It was a strange display of modesty after the previous night, but that was how she was. Somehow, I had the feeling I would never again be jealous of Mars, because we all had a bond as deep as the one between a husband and wife; now, fifty years later, it seems that I was right.

Wyatt was pulling on his pants as I shook off the shirt that lay crumpled on the ground nearby, and he chuckled at me. "You better just get a fresh one."

"Or you could use that rune of yours to give it a good washing."

He and Mars laughed. "I think we could all use a good washing," Mars admitted. "I'll clean up with the water we've got left here, and go get some more for the rest of you."

With Mars and Sana gone, my eyes met Wyatt's, and for a moment I thought things would be awkward. We both had known about Mars and his preferences, but neither Wyatt nor myself had never expressed any sort of interest in other men, after all. There was a pause, but then he just shrugged and grinned before turning his attentions back to getting dressed. I nodded in response and did the same. Nothing had really changed between us, except that we knew each other a little better now.

And that was how things were. Nothing of the sort happened again, and it didn't need to. There was a closeness between us after that night, and it let us meet each other where we were without fear or awkwardness. We'd had few boundaries separating us before, and then there were none.

When Sana told me that Mars had died, and then later when Wyatt passed, I discovered that Mars had been right - two people, or even four, could come to terms with how it would be to watch their closest companion die, while they lived on forever. So far, it's happened to me twice, and I can't bring myself to regret what passed between us.

Of the four, ironically, only it's only Sana and myself that remain. Soon she will be gone, and it will be my responsibility to keep her immortal as she once said, rather than Mars'. As for my two friends, some of Mars' fire shines in the eyes of the Karayan boy, and at times I see Wyatt's restlessness in his daughter. We've bonded more quickly than you might expect, given our vastly different lives.

I wonder, when they look at me, if they remember.


End file.
